Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
