I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
