Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
