I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
