I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize