And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
