he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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