Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
