I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
