I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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