i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
