I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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