I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
