The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
