How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
