Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize