I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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