I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm passing your future prison.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am available for nakedness
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
