didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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