youre lurking in front of me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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