that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
