My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
