sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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