There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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