GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
