we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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