i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
