Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
