k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
