I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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