only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
