i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
