why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
