She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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