Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize