before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize