Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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