It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
