I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
