How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
