Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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