Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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