every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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