So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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