I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
