i can't believe i had my finger in that
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
