I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
