Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
