I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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