Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
