Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
