my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
