so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
