that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
