We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
