he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
