how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
