How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
