How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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