Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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