I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
