Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
