Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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