I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
