Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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