Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
